In today’s society there are more and more blended families because there are more divorces and less people getting married today. Blended families are really a challenge and the kids in the blended families are a major obstacle. You may find this surprising because children are supposed to be more resilient. This is not the case in my experience. I have found that it does not matter if the kids are younger, teenagers or adults. They are all challenges you will need to over come in order to have a successful blended family relationship.

Most kids harbor resentment when their mom or dads start dating after a divorce. One of the reasons for this, is they really want their mom & dad to get back together so they can be a family again. When someone new is entering into their lives because a mom or dad has starting dating, the child doesn’t typically like it because this new person is taking time away from them in sharing the time they have with this new person of interest. This new person gets more attention. They see you spending more time with them, the cancellations on visits may start because their parent is busy and if this new person has kids, the challenges begin to double.

Teenagers will typically know which parent filed for divorce and they will hold a grudge and blame them for ruining their family unless there was abuse involved and a divorce was necessary for the safety of the family.

Adult children start worrying about their inheritance and what this new person may get if they marry their parent. Some adult children think their parents do not deserve a 2nd chance to be married or be happy.

Take all of these scenarios into consideration and then try to figure out how you can make a blended family work. This is just with the kids. There are a lot of adult issues on 2nd and 3rd marriages as well. Assets. How do you protect each of your kids in the event one of you should pre-decease the other.

There are a lot of things that you need to discuss as a new couple and possibly a new marriage partner before you decide to move forward. It is my opinion that family counseling may help with all parties involved. Both sets of kids and both parents involved in the relationship. There are financial issues that need to be worked out. A lot of pre-planning needs to occur.

Blended families remind me of the old movie “His, Mine and Ours” with Lucille Ball. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend that you watch it. In this movie both parties were widowers. But, you will see a lot of how kids really feel about their parents dating. The kids feel the same way today. Kids are kids.

Blended families are very possible. They take a lot of work and as we dig into this topic we will discuss things that work and don’t work. Help each other brainstorm with various scenarios and how to love every child as if they were your own. You are never going to replace their mom or dad. That needs to be understood up front. But, you can still love them all the same.

I can tell you that every relationship that I had after my divorce, whether it a was marriage relationship or a dating relationship, every person that entered into my life was jealous of my kids.

I made a choice early on that my kids are my kids forever and men will come and go. If a person you are dating is jealous of your kids, then they are not the one for you. Unfortunately, you don’t get to see this jealousy sometimes until it is too late. You are married.

The question is – Is your love strong enough to survive? We’ll talk more on the next post. Till then, take it slow. Make no commitments and Pray!