“The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, If it is found in the way of righteousness. Proverbs 16:31.

When our kids and grand-kids give us our gray hair from raising them, worrying about them, caring for them, teaching them, loving them, and always being there for them, it is well deserved. 🙂

I’ve raised my kids and I have been enjoying my grand-kids. I’m just like everyone else who loves to spoil their grand-kids and then send them home…lol As a Grandma, you like to buy the loud toys for them to play with at their house just to drive their parents a little crazy. I laugh because that is what my mom did to me.

When we are raising our kids we are so overwhelmed with getting everything done that needs to be done, that we forget to enjoy them. I told my daughter just the other day that she needed to learn to enjoy each phase of their little lives. Kids grow up so fast. Time flies by and then the opportunities for a successful impact on their lives is gone.

A few years ago I found myself raising a 4.5 year old little boy who has always been known as my grandson. He was first exposed to Children Services when he was 1.5 years old. This was when I first met him and he and I began the Grandma – Grandson relationship. Even after he went back home, I still picked him up to visit with Grandma. He was and is always going to be Grandma’s boy. At the age of 4.5, he re-entered the foster care system for the second time. After being abused in the system, I was asked to take him and of course I said yes. I will always be there for this little guy. God put a special bond in my heart for him when he was 1.5 years old that will never be broken. God knew this little guy would be back in our lives and that he would need us again.

I tell you this because this little guy experienced so much in his little 4.5 years of living that I had to evaluate him and his whole situation as a whole before I could determine the best discipline techniques that were going to work with him in order to teach him everything he needed to start learning and re-learning. He lived a lot of places, he was abused, he was really just a baby boy who was neglected, passed around, and showed some minor signs of being slightly on the autism scale. The good thing is Grandma has been in his life since he was 1.5 years old, I’ve lived in the same place, I have the same rules, and he knows me. I was and am one of the major staples in his life. His safe haven.

One of the techniques that I started using early on was the timer. With the ADHD, I found that setting the timer enabled him to know and understand what was going to happen and what was coming next. I would set the timer when it was time for his medicine. I would set the timer for his bath time and his bedtime. This helped to establish his routines. I would always tell him when and what I was setting the timer for. He is still used to this when he comes and visits at Grandma’s house. Now that he is a little older he will ask for 10 more minutes after the timer goes off and I just chuckle and say Ok. Even though Grandma seems like a push over at times, it does depend on if he has been good and listened. Which he usually does.

As I said prior on the Parenting Blog. Children need structure and they need rules and guidelines to follow. It is harder to raise children and grandchildren when you have not raised them from birth. There are a set of whole new rules and guidelines that need to come into play when working with kids who have experienced life in a whole different way than we can even imagine. This also applies to blended families as well.

You need to start with love. Unconditional Love. The love that is going to be there no matter what they do, what they say, how they act, no matter what they don’t do, just pure love for just who they are…. Trust me, this is not going to be easy!! But, I often think of the lyrics in a song that says “What would Jesus do…He would love first”

Building love and trust within children who have been through so much is very hard. They know whether you are genuine or not. They are not where they want to be. They are displaced, they have a lot of baggage just like adults do, only they do not know what to do with it all. Who would as a child. Children are a gift from God. God knew us before we were born. We were formed in our mother’s womb and we were woven together by the Master’s Hand. God does not make mistakes. God makes little miracles. One little life at a time.