Parenting today is different than when you were growing up and being raised by your parents, as it was different for our parents when they were being raised. I would imagine that as parents we all would have similar goals for our children. Such as raising them to be be honest, to have integrity, to be responsible, to learn to listen, to respect their elders, to not talk back, to have common sense, to be creative, to learn to read and to have an appreciation for learning, to have goals, and to grow up and become responsible adults that have a positive impact on our society. Unfortunately, this takes years to accomplish. It takes a lot of patience, time, learning, faith, God, support, extended family, and much more.

Not every one has experienced positive parenting as a child. If you did not have a great parent as a role model, this does not mean that you cannot be a great parent. There are times when we were growing up that we told ourselves, I’m not going to be a parent like I had or I will parent my children differently when I grow up. We never want to make the same mistakes that our parents made. We are always going to be different and do better. Then we grow up and find out we are doing just what our parents did because that was the way we were raised and that is what we know.

Maybe it is time to break the cycle. There are a lot of parenting books on the shelves and Online. But, which ones are the best for you to choose? That will depend on the problems or issues you are trying to work on and what you are experiencing. I tend to read faith based books because that is how I wanted to raise my children. I also researched other articles and used various other resources. When I was a young mom, my daughter was about 2 or 3 and she was very strong willed. I purchased the book “The Strong Willed Child” written by Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family. I remember reading this book and I still think of it today. I grew up in the era where it was acceptable to spank you child. I also remember going to middle school and it was acceptable to receive a paddling if you disrupted the class multiple times and did not listen to the teachers or show proper respect. We survived this and in my opinion this is part of what is missing in our culture today. (We are not talking about abuse, we are talking about disciplining our children and teaching them to be respectful, and shaping them into becoming responsible adults.)

What is the definition of discipline? To break the will of a child without breaking their spirit. There is a verse in the Bible, in Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, But, he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” (NKJV) God’s intention in this verse is not to abuse your child, but to discipline them so they learn the difference between right and wrong. Listening and not listening. Acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior. Children need rules and structure. They starve for this. Giving them rules and boundaries provides them with guidelines and the opportunity to excel by following the rules. That certainly does not mean they will not test their boundaries. Because, they will. How you handle the testing of their boundaries is going to determine the amount of teaching/learning and success will be achieved with your child.

I think it is important when deciding how to parent your children that you remember who is going to be the adult and who is going to be the child in the relationship. When I was growing up my mom was a stay at home mom. When I was raising my kids, I was a single parent the majority of their lives. I did not have the privilege to stay home and just raise my kids. Much like a lot of moms today. It takes two incomes in our economy today, to make ends meet. You are exhausted by the time that you end your work day, pick the kids up from day care or the sitter, make dinner, get their homework done, and add in their bath time, laundry, getting lunches ready, plus all of their hobbies & sports that our kids are in to these days, it’s no wonder you are tired. You get to bed late and you get up the next morning, get the kids up, prepare breakfast and the day starts all over again. I agree it is exhausting. It is exhausting to the point that sometimes you are too tired to discipline the kids because you are busy, tired and do not want to go through the fight. Or you are too tired, fly off the handle and a battle begins. I get it.

But, kids need structure, discipline and consistency. No matter how tired we are. The sooner you establish your discipline habits and consistently follow through the better it will be for everyone. Our children learn quickly (even though it seems like it takes forever) and their most formative years are typically before the age of 5. When my kids were little, I did not put up my knick-knacks, I taught my children to not touch glass and things that were not a toy and did not belong to them. When they were little, I smacked their little hands. Not hard, just enough for them to know they were in trouble. I stayed consistent and they learned not to touch. This was my discipline of choice. Was it easy. No. Was I consistent? Yes. Did they learn? Yes. Did it hurt them? Not physically. It hurt their feelings more than anything and to tell you the truth, it probably bothered me more to see them cry and sob those little tears. Do they remember this today? No.

As a parent you evaluate the times that it is necessary for discipline and the different degrees of discipline. Learning about safety, not touching the stove, staying away from fires, electric outlets, stairs and things that could endanger them calls for different types of discipline than talking back, arguing with their siblings, lying, stealing, not sharing, etc. Your disciplines will also change with the age of your children. As they grow up you will use different discipline techniques to continue to teach your teenagers some new life lessons. I know mine did.

When my children were small, I used the counting to 3 method. After reading the Strong Willed Child I mentioned earlier and other parenting guides, it made sense to me. When a child is playing and you want them to stop and do something else, it is hard for them to immediately change gears. For example: Your son is building with Legos and he is in the middle of building something fantastic (in his mind) it’s hard for him to disengage to fully register what you told him to do. So you tell him, (I rarely yelled) you make sure he looks you in the eyes to help break his concentration and you give him time to do what was asked of him. If he doesn’t respond, then you tell him you are going to count. One – Two and typically what you wanted done is completed. I can count on one hand the number of times I made it to 3. On 3, they did get a spanking. So, if less than 5 times in their lives they received a spanking I feel this method of discipline was successful.

I’ve worked with emotionally disturbed kids at different times throughout my careers. I’ve worked with kids who have had ADHD, ADD, were adopted, were in the foster care system and had various other disorders. This is why it is important to evaluate the child and the type of discipline needed that will prove be the most beneficial to teach them what they need to learn. Every child is unique and has experienced things in their lives. You have to look at the child as a whole. A gift from God who looks to us as adults, their parents, their caregivers, their mentors, their family to help teach them, inspire them and bring out the best in them to become successful adults in the future.

Head over to the raising kids & grand-kids section of the blog. I’m going to share the discipline techniques that I found that worked with great success.

Do you have a question or a scenario that you would like to share? Send me an email or complete the form on the Contact Us page.

I will continue to share the various discipline techniques I used as my kids grew older and the one I liked best was called ‘Mr. Webster.” Stay tuned.