Extended families are challenging in a marriage or any type of a relationship whether you are dating, planning to get married, living together, or life partners. When there are extended family members involved there are challenges in a relationship. This is just the facts…. unfortunately.

Everyone wants to get along with their in-laws. Most people do not want problems in their relationships, and they try to do their best to avoid conflict. But, emotions, hurt feelings, unmet expectations, verbal digs or ques all play into our reactions as we try to maintain a cordial relationship with the extended family.

Once our adult children start dating and find that special person that they want to marry, we need to start practicing being a good in-law. Our children may not always choose the person that we would choose for them. But we need to respect their decisions and make an honest effort to establish a relationship with that special person who is going to be the newest member of the family. I know this may be hard, especially if you are not happy with their choice. It is at this juncture that you can decide to be an in-law or an out-law?

If you have reservations about the person your child has selected to marry, you should schedule a time to talk with your child and discuss your concerns. The reason you may consider this is so your child has all of the information when making an informed decision. This way, they can never say that you never told them or expressed your concerns. If they precede with getting married, then you need to become the loving in-law who welcomes their fiancé into the family with loving arms.

As the in-laws we always want our children’s marriages to be successful. We certainly do not want to be the reason their marriages fail. With that being said. We are the adults in the situations (or the older adults anyway…lol) so we need to maintain our cool and learn to be accommodating. It is also our children’s responsibility to make sure that their selected partners treat us, their parents with respect as well.

Not all families are raised the same, and everyone has their own traditions and their own way of doing things. Everyone’s definition of normal is different and we need to allow for this. Not everyone raised their kids the same way that we did. Whenever you are taking two families and blending them together there are challenges. Only this time, it’s the kids who need to learn to make it work between both families and family functions and we need to be cooperative.

Everyone in this scenario has a part to play in their respective relationships. Everyone needs to be respectful and kind during the transition periods when everyone is getting to know each other.

If their relationship continues to move forward and a wedding is on the horizon, then you know your true role of becoming an in-law will be ensuing. The question is are you ready for this? Ready or not this is about to happen. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without the future in-laws creating havoc. The future bride and groom are entitled to have the wedding that they want and not the wedding that we want. It is their day and not ours. We are to be there to help when needed. Offer our opinions when we are asked and step back when we need to. After the wedding, the real fun will begin and the smoother the wedding, the smoother the relationship will be later. Hopefully….lol

Now that there are new members of the families. New holidays and celebrations are about to begin. You’ll be sharing the holidays with the in-laws and rotating holidays, so everyone gets a chance to be with the newlyweds.

As humans we are creatures of habit. We typically are not fans of change. Change is always going to be happening in our lives. That is one of the things that we can always count on to happen. CHANGE. Our daughters and sons marry and our families grow.

We are to be peace makers. I always try to think what would Jesus do. He would love first. To me that is always our first and best option. That is the best way to support our kids as they are adults and as they start their married lives.