Divorce which is also known as the “D” word is never a word anyone wants to hear, except attorneys. People do not get married to get divorced. But, it happens. Speaking from experience, divorce is not going to be easy and you will experience hurts and heartaches during the divorce process. No matter if you wanted the divorce or not. You will grieve the loss of the marriage and when your divorce it final it will be the happiest and saddest day of your life.

The divorce will have an impact on you, your soon to be ex-spouse, your children, your family, your spouses family and any mutual friends that you may have. The severity of the impact will depend on who wanted the divorce, how long you have been married, what was the reason for the divorce, and the financial issues that will occur as a result of the divorce.

Before you and your spouse decide whether divorce is the answer, I would recommend that you don’t give up on your marriage without seeking marriage counseling. If you have the opportunity, (I say this because sometimes one party wants the divorce and the other does not.) don’t let go of your marriage without trying everything possible to save it. It takes both parties to want to save the marriage. Focus on the Family has a great couples retreat for couples who are facing divorce. It is called “Hope Restored” and I strongly recommend that you check it out on their website.

If divorce is inevitable, it is always best to be amicable and try to go through a dissolution of marriage instead of a divorce. You want to seek legal counsel who can advise you on which is best for you and your current situation and what is allowable by law in your local jurisdiction.

The divorce will be hard on you, but it will be harder on the kids. We are adults, our lives have changed, but the kids do not always know how to process all of the changes. Their home has been torn apart, they are split in the middle between mom & dad and they now go in between houses. Their lives have been turned upside down. Your kids are going to need you now more than ever. You may need to assess the situation and determine if family counseling may be necessary in order to help everyone go through this process so they have a better understanding. This is something that I probably should have done when my kids and I were going through this.

You need to remember that your kids did not ask for this situation. They are involved as a by product of our adult decisions. They are along for the ride no matter what steps you are planning on taking in order to move forward with your new life as a single parent. You may not have asked for this either. But, as parents, we are the adults and we know what tools are available to help us cope through this transition. Our children do not have the same tool box. My main supporter has always been God, my family and my kids. My kids pulled me through more than they will ever know.

You may question God since I went through a few divorces. Is divorce a forgivable sin. Yes, it is if you ask for forgiveness of your sins. The woman at the well was married 4 times and was living with a 5th gentleman when she saw God. God forgave her and he told her to go and sin no more. We need to learn to seek God first.

Once you get divorced, it is easier and easier to get divorced. Research indicates that people who tend to experience multiple marriages usually have underlying issues which tend to lead to prior or childhood abuse. I started writing a book once and the first chapter was titled “What lies within.” There is always something inside of us that causes us to act the way that we do and is part of who we are. We are a product of our environments and our life experiences. If you head over to the blog on Abuse, it goes into more depth about abuse and how it shapes our lives, and has caused internal issues that we need to deal with, have dealt with or will forever be in our mind. But, IT DOES NOT DEFINE US. If you are experiencing issues from past abuse, please find someone to talk too. A counselor, Pastor, special friend and seek God to help you through this. There is life after abuse. Abuse has life long affects on your life. But, it was not your fault and God helped me through it and He will help you too.

Stay tuned as we talk about Divorce in more depth. Beginning again. How to adjust to your new life. What is the battle of divorce. What you need to look at in order to come to an agreement to settle. Harassment and Intimation from a spouse to get your to sign the divorce papers. etc.

Take a minute to pray and ask God to help you through this day.