Taking care of aging parents is a challenge and a blessing at the same time. When you think of the years that your parents took care of you, it is our responsibility that we as children take care of our parents during their time of need.

Most parents do not really want to be taken care of. They do not like to admit they need help and they do not want to be a burden. It is equally hard for them to make the adjustments to accept help as it is for you to rearrange your schedule to accommodate their needs.

How often do you visit your parents? How often do you call them and check in with them? If you are paying attention to your parents and visiting them regularly and calling and checking in, you will be able to see small signs that your parents may be on the verge of needing some assistance. Some of the signs you may begin to see or hear are: telling the same stories over and over again and forgetting that they told you, putting things away in the wrong places such as bathroom products in the refrigerator, forgetting to pay their bills, having problems balancing their check books, forgetting where they are, wandering off, feeling sick more often than normal, getting lost while they are on their way to the grocery store. The same grocery store they have been to hundreds of times. Everyone ages differently and if you know your parents, you will know what is normal and what is out of character for them. The key is to be there and to pay attention.

Safety is one of the main concerns. Make sure that you watch for these types of issues. Leaving a pan on the stove and the water has all boiled away for who knows how long, or turning on the oven with plastic lids inside and the smell of plastic fills the house. Or are they experiencing more falls than normal? Are there throw rugs or trip and fall hazards? Are they losing their balance more frequently? Have they reached the point when they should no longer being driving? If you do not visit your parents enough or have loved ones checking in regularly, you will not be able to see what is truly happening. With today’s technology there is no reason you can not see your parents virtually and see for your self as well. Out of state or out of town does not mean lack of responsibility. If you wait for your parents to tell you when they need something, it will be too late. No one wants to admit to their kids that they need help. They are supposed to be the parents that take care of the kids. Not the other way around.

As your parents begin to age, you need to start researching the various options that are available to meet their projected needs. Your local Area on Aging is a great resource that may be able to help you meet some of those needs or point you in the right direction. If you start thinking of some of the things that your parents may need ahead of time, it will be easier to address these things when they arise than waiting till the last minute. Some of the things that you may need to think about are as follows:

1. Are grab bars needed to help them get up and down the steps.
2. Are grab bars needed in the bathroom to assist with getting in and out of the tub?
3. Is a raised commode needed to help them get up and down off the seat?
4. Do they need a medical alert button to notify emergency services in case they have fallen?
5. Do they need help cooking their meals, grocery shopping or is it time for a meals on wheels program to begin?
6. Are they able to stay by themselves or is an adult day care facility needed while you are working?
7. Do they need help getting to their Dr. appointments?
8. Are their affairs in order? Is there a medical power of attorney in place to assist with health care decisions? Living Will? etc.

And so much more….

I took care of my aging parents. My dad had cancer and Alzheimer’s. My mom was there with him during the onset and we tried to work together through his illnesses. My siblings who lived locally would constantly stop in to check in on our parents to see how they were doing. My dad was also hard of hearing so communicating with him was sometimes a challenge. With his Alzheimer’s, when you stopped in, you were never sure what decade he would be in. One time he would be under the kitchen table playing with the grand-kids and the next time he may not remember who you are. My dad reached the point where he could not be left alone. Someone had to be with my dad all of the time. Between the kids and the grand-kids we would cover watching him, so our mom could have a break if she needed to get out, get groceries, go to the Dr. or attend church.

My dad loved to garden during his retirement years. He would often see the same people in the neighborhood and they would trade gardening tips and trade tomatoes to see who’s was the best. They would compare the size of their cucumbers and who’s sunflowers grew the tallest. One day he took off walking. He said he was going up the street a minute. It was about a half hour or so later that a man brought my dad back. He had wandered about 4 blocks away and then couldn’t remember where he lived. It was at this point that we knew he needed to have all of his clothing marked with his name & address just in case something like this happened again. We were grateful the man knew who he was because my dad had attended his garage sales frequently and they would talk. This incident occurred before we knew how bad my dad really was. Something can seem so normal as my dad walking up the street. But, forgetting where he lived happened so fast on his walk up the street, that we would never have projected it as it never happened before.

The lucid times became fewer and fewer till you knew the Alzheimer’s was about to take over but his cancer took over first.

The Bible references that we come into this world like a child and we leave like a child. Sometimes, I wonder if this is so we really do not know what is happening to us to make the transition of death easier. If you are a Christ follower, then you know that one day you will see your loved one again in heaven. This makes the transition for us a little easier here on earth until we see them again one day.

A few of the other topics we will look at are:

How do you care for your parents long distance?

What if you have a strained relationship with your parents? How can you help?

Managing your way through the healthcare system. Hospice. Palliative care, nursing homes, home health care, medicaid, insurance, social security, etc.

If you have a question, send me an email or fill out the contact form.

Enjoy your parents while you have them. One day they will be gone and then you will realize how much you loved them and miss them.